March 2003 Archives

One man's intransigence, contrary to a flood of world opinion, will cause the loss of millions of lives. Are we talking about Mbeki's AIDS policy? Famine in Zimbabwe? Nah, it's Saddam vs. Bush II - Son of Smackdown! Like most white Sefricans, I can enjoy just about any disaster as long as someone else is getting blamed for a change, but I don't seem to be able to get into this one. Is it the presence of Australians on yet another winning side? Maybe I'm just a fool for an Ayrab with a mighty cute moustache, but I think he may have a point.

The UN weapons team has come up with nothing, but they're only human. It's not like they're TV licence inspectors. If Saddam had a visit from one of these zealot, gauleiter rejects from the unemployment line, you can bet he'd be running scared. I was. I live in Colditz Mews, an average security complex in Joburg with rabid Big Issue vendors patrolling a moat just below the electrified razor wire slam-lock shrubbery and yet he still managed to get in. The licence inspector, not Saddam. Shots from the neighbours' unit didn't alert me; I thought they were just putting the kids to sleep. Not that I would've opened the airlock to anyone anyway. But the bastard just materialised in the lounge, I swear. Immediately, I knew was that my days of getting "all the emotion" (mostly revulsion) for free from the SABC were over. My pirate viewer ass was about to handed to me in a bag.

Despite having a name designed to strike fear in their opponents' colon, the Proteas were dumped out of the cricket world cup under freakish circumstances. Again. First it was rain. Then, a tie. Then, a rained out tie. For a team so addicted to bothering God about the miniscule details of every match, such as whether they should bother trying to win or not, this must be disconcerting evidence that The Almighty is Australian. Kylie Minogue's bum alone is a religious experience and major proof of an Aussie divinity.

Ja, I don't like it either, but it's something South Africans are going to have to accept, kinda like your cousin's veggie sausages on the braai. Sinfully, I have spouted anti-antipodean rants myself, but I have seen the light. It spoke to me saying, "Gilchrist - not out!"
For evidence of my depravity, see the archives below for earlier misguided blogs like:
... because unless the world ends on Tuesday...
... because the world needs another conspiracy theory.

A US led war may be coming soon to a bunker near you, but the idea has been hugely unpopular in South Africa. Our government is determined to broker peace with a diplomatic effort that seems to involve humping Saddam's leg until he surrenders. But don't fret, Yankees. Expect an upsurge of almost hysterical support for a first strike on Baghdad with the news that Winnie Madikizela-Mandela has offered to go there as a human shield.

Now, I don't want to start a panic or niks, but if you're still wondering whether or not Elvis really died, check out the similarity between his glasses and the specs on Winnie. Coincidence? ...
Damn! You always say that, Agent Scully!