Isn't it great that British troops in liberated areas of Iraq are swapping their helmets for berets in order to present a less intimidating image to the locals? I'm sure they look positively cuddly. Makes you want to rush up and give that non threatening invader with the bayonet and assault rifle a big ol' hug. Just like daddy would've done if he hadn't detonated himself by accident when he hit that damned pothole.
Somewhere safe from shots fired in anger... (Personally, I've never been shot at by anyone who wasn't at least mildly pissed off.) ...the strategists are celebrating wildly:
"The war is over! Long live the great corporate clusterfuck! It's time to merchandise this mother, so line up and get your new Action Man, FREE with any supersize crappy meal. Yes, it's free, because this is the land of the free and don't you ever dare forget it, buddy! You can also get the bad guy Inaction Figure. CAUTION: choking hazard. Anti-war placard is sold separately. But wait, there's more! The action Target Set comes with snap-off head and detachable tea towel. She's fully compatible with most toy civilian busses too."
The Coalition of the Willing, so called, because "lynch mob" might offend some of our younger viewers, is ridding the world of Saddam's cruel abuse of facial hair and that's a good thing. Plus, they're making the world safe for Avril Lavigne again and that's a baaaad thing. You can bet the sk8er boi is nowhere near getting clipped in a friendly fire incident. The UN has examined its place in the world and found it to be firmly on American soil, mainly because for diplomats the shopping's so shit in Eritrea.
And yet, I know that when I can see an issue this clearly, somebody's been pissing in the quantum punch bowl of perception again. Usually, I don't know who's more misguided, missiles or Muslims. (I can't help it. I like alliteration, okay? Religious slurs and their attendant potential fatwa are a small price to pay for a quick phonetic fix.) Clarity is not my strong point. I live with a noise like a CD skipping in my left temple virtually all the time and I'm looking forward to the day when it turns itself into an aneurism or a kwaito album. Luckily, the BRRRR-PUPPERA-ZUBBERA-ZZZ of cell phone/radio interference comes as a relief every once in a while and, when it does, I see the future in the rosy glow of the dawning of a new age. Or is it just a burning well-head?
The message is simple, folks. Don't mess with oil-wealthy religious fundamentalists.
Do not read books that are not approved.
Do not have sex without church/state sanction.
Do not ingest unlawful chemicals.
Do not tolerate those who are different.
The government reserves the right to kill your ass whenever the need arises. Do not expect mercy.
And eventually, whether you're Salman Rushdie or Madonna or even a jerk like me, you have to wonder. They have so much in common. What the hell are they fighting about?
Sleep tight,
Al
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