Received any of those alarmist emails recently? I mean the ones warning you of "blacks" plotting to impregnate white women by freeze-drying their own scrota, grinding them up in high-tech parmesan graters and serving the sprinklings on your cappuccino in Sandton coffee shops. This type of dire alert...
...has become a standard feature of my inbox thanks to a group of South Africans now living abroad who seem desperately concerned that I might forget about crime for one second. They urge me to bury myself in a nuclear bunker so secure that I even do my own vacuuming and then tell me how much they miss the sunshine in Joburg. The first news of danger I received, was when AIDS infected needles were supposedly planted in my movie-house seats. Now, I admit there were some scenes in the new Charlie's Angels film where I was writhing around in pain thanks to a little prick, but I have to blame my genetics rather than the cleaning staff.
