Ding! Dong! Michael Jackson's dead. And so soon after he was elected pope of Zimbabwe. It's a shame, but shouldn't be a complete surprise, after all the tumultuous events of the last few days will unerringly be predicted in the newspaper's astrology column next week. Just blame it on Pluto's retrograde position in the heavens and its off key rendition of Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da on the late news.
It's been a grim week on all types of information superhighway. Seems like there are only two lanes, slow and psycho... (Too fast, too furious, two brain cells)... and whichever one you get stuck in, it's like having sex with a cheese grater. There's just no move you can make that's not going to hurt.
Next door in Zim, we hear the people have spoken and the dead have voted. The South African team of election observers says they were free to express themselves, proving again the necessity of doing experiments on chimpanzees... because some people are just too fucking stupid. Since Terry Schiavo's feeding tube was disconnected for inadequate response to external stimuli, somebody might as well cancel meal times in parliament.
John Paul II died just in time to rescue dozens of TV journalists from a long, uncomfortable trip to unpronounceable places in Africa to report on another collection of starving people. Desperately unsexy. Instead, the glory of Rome provides the visuals for so-ho-oh many interviews about the old guy they have pinned to a board like a butterfly. The grateful 4th estate, reminded of the ratings power of a billion devoutly superstitious people, comes over all good taste and restraint with references to "The Holy Father" in hushed tones usually reserved for J-Lo's ass.
In Windsor, a couple wait to tie the knot. While in Joburg's Windsor West, plumbers carbo-load for National Cleavage Day.
So how did MJ meet his end? I believe Marburg virus got him or maybe my neighbour's remote gate opener is making my TV channels skip again. Anyway, we won't know for sure until the next no holds barred expose coinciding with the release of his latest compilation CD.
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