South Africans have a perpetual "Groundhog Day" ritual called the braai so that they can have the same conversations over and over. Only the sport scores change. We still lose, but the scores do change.
This weekend featured the classic Robert Mugabe political analysis from the "chicks" in the kitchen making salad. Good old Mugabe! Without him, so many of us would actually have to think. Like a perfect inversion of the Snow White fairytale, we can look into his heart and see our own fear and hatred reflected:
(The hostess overseeing the chopping of the coleslaw.)
"Brendaaaa! You see what that man is doing to you people?"
"Yes, Madam."
(Brenda is of course an illegal immigrant and therefore works cheaper... with fewer days off. Her employer seems to be worried that she hasn't noticed the starvation in her home country and in fact swam the Limpopo on a whim.)
"He's been in power for too long, hasn't he?"
"Yes, Madam."
"That's the problem when they've come to power. They won't ever let go. They treat everybody like their slaves..."
BZZZZ!
Brendaaaa, there's the security buzzer! See who's at the door!"
"Yes, Madam."
"And don't forget to bring the washing in while you're there."
Meanwhile outside, at the coals, the inevitable rage against affirmative action. Us vs. Them. Over and over again. It reminded me of a handwritten sign in a pet shop window:
FOR SALE - Pedigreed Boerboel Pups. No hip dysplasia. Guaranteed Racist.
Now, I'm NOT the sparkliest glitter ball in the gay bar, but I'm born and raised in Africa for at least 4 generations, so I'm African. But, my skin is white, my forefathers came here for Europe, so I'm European-African. But their forefathers were overrun and well shagged by the hordes of Genghis Khan from Asia when he swept in from Asia, so I'm Asian-European-African. But, their forefathers crossed to Asia across the ancient continent of Gondwanaland from somewhere close to Roodepoort where I live now. So I'm African-Asian-European-African. The only thing I'm not, is Australian.
Therefore Australia MUST be our only true enemy. See? There's always a bright side. And so the braai conversation comes full circle. Groundhog Day starts again. Enjoy the cricket!
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